Back in action

You may have noticed I started off this year with a bang in my previous posts and then sort of disappeared for a bit. The last two weeks have been rather challenging - battling the same demons of fear and doubt that creep in whenever I give them the slightest chance to enter my mind. As a not quite starving (but close) artist, it's so easy to get over my head with these fears. Looking at wildly successful artists does not help. I truly have nothing but respect, awe and admiration for powerhouse artists like well, you know ;) ... honestly their success just proves to me that it's possible. It's when you play the compare/contrast game that gets you in trouble.

Maybe these thoughts should not be said out loud. Maybe it isn't the most professional thing to do. But I know that most of my readers are fellow artists and can relate. And here is where the tables turn. If I did not have a wonderful community of fellow artists to turn to, talk about the biz and all of it's ups and downs, I would have stopped doing this long ago. People like Meghan Henley and Amanda Hone, to name just two, have kept me afloat for years with encouragement, cheers when I succeed and compassion during the tough times. This week two artists helped me turn my frown upside down and I'd like to thank them with all of my heart.

Please take a look at their amazing artwork in their Etsy shops.

Aja of www.sagittariusgallery.etsy.com

and Kendra of www.teamzvonik.etsy.com


So... what's the plan? JUST KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON BABY!! Depression not only feels miserable, it halts all progress. It is good for absolutely nothing. I'm sure depression is a common issue for many artists - we are a deeply feeling breed and the highs are sky high and the lows are pretty bleak. Staying centered, taking one step and day at a time is a constant goal. What I learned from this time is to just let myself feel blue if I feel it - get it out of your system, don't try and stuff it and save face, it will come out eventually anyway. Take a break - step away from the computer or the easel and do something else - play a game, take a walk, watch a good movie. Cry it out, talk it out, then tell yourself tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to make it a good one!

I'm on the upswing now, and in the spirit of moving forward and being open to new possibilities and opportunities, I've signed up for a new art site that's been courting me the last few months. It could be a winner, it could not, either way it's worth a shot. I really like the look of the site and the studio section of your page is neat. Artists there approach that section in all different ways - I decided to share a picture of where I work, a commission example and an example of my prints with a link to my Etsy shop. This is my profile on DiscoveredArtists.com - http://www.discoveredartists.com/JessicaTorrant.

I'm so thankful for all of you and I want to be there for you if you need a friend to talk to. (I'm about to bust into "Lean on me!"). Seriously. I leaned hard on the shoulders of good friends this week, now how can I pay that back? If you need me... let me know.

We Love Seals

Do not worry! This seal is not dead, he/she is basking in the sun. We know because we saw him/her flip sand onto his/her belly like the hundreds of other seals we saw basking in the sun on this stretch of the California coast.

Here is Emily on the left and me on the right, showcasing the seal. We like seals. We support their beautiful experience living in the sea and enjoying the sun and the sand too.

"I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time"

Here's Leo! Our brave and wonderful little/big boy! This picture was taken yesterday. You can see Emily's hand is on his head, Rob is behind him on the computer, and one of Derek Shockey's paintings on the wall on the top right. (visit his website at http://www.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?ArtID=18045 )

This weekend was amazing. It all started on Friday with our drive up to get Leo. It was the thick of the noreaster snowstorm, and 84 was a wreck. We went about 30 the whole way plowing through chunky, icy snow. Once we got to the Mass Pike, the roads were much better (what's up Connecticut? if MA can do it, we should be able to, too!).

Walking back into the animal hospital with excitement and smiles, we were in such a different state of mind than everyone else. We were able to actually look around and take other people in (didn't do that the first time around), and we could feel the anxious energy all around us from the collection of nervous, waiting pet owners. It hung thick in the air, stagnant, everyone glazed over watching the Animal Channel on the TV, and almost resenting the animal bloopers show with canned laughter that seemed to mock their sincere pain and fear. As if owning and loving a pet was that easy and joyful. One goofy moment after another causing laughter and smiles. We all wished.

It took a while for them to get Leo. I felt like I was going to pass out, and kept sucking down big gulps of water at the water fountain, at one point resisting my own animal urge to dunk my head in the cold stream of water and shake it off. When he came out, it was clear he was in a state of shock and confusion. It took a moment for him to realize we were standing there and as soon as he did, all he wanted to do was drive his head into my legs. The assistant had the big, plastic collar off of him to show us how to put it on. After a momentary struggle including all four of us, we got it on, and walked out the door with our love. He got in the backseat and we wanted to just sit and pet him but the storm had picked up and we had to get back on the road as soon as possible.

Rob was superman getting us home that evening. I kept turning around to nurture Leo, and every time I turned back to the road, there was another car off the side of the highway, or spun around backwards, or being hauled off by a tow truck, crunched. Along the way, Emily sent a text message that she was on her way up. We were thinking, 'oh no, don't come!', but she was already halfway there.

We got home and spent the next few hours petting and loving our Leo, and trying not to freak out about every hour that passed with no Emily. She finally arrived around 10:30. It took her four hours to get from southern CT to our house. That was one nasty storm none of us should have been driving through!

Once she arrived it was the last thing to fret about on a check list of worries we've had for the last week. The rest of the weekend felt so amazing to have everyone safe and sound. Total homebody weekend, including lots of love, good food and wine, Trivial Pursuit, drawing, movies, talking, all the while petting our little sweetie.

Leo seemed to be in a lingering state of shock at first, and paired with natural exhaustion, which could also be affected by his meds, he's been hanging low. Lots of rest. Today I saw some of the Leo pep I'm used to, and it was very comforting to see. He's doing what he needs to do - rest and HEAL. I'm happy that he isn't resisting that, and in turn, the scar seems to be healing very quickly. Most of the swelling has gone down, and knock on wood, everything looks ok. I called my vet in Enfield today to thank them/her for expiditing the situation. My deepest thanks go to Amelia at the Enfield Animal Hospital here in CT, and Dr. Jurk up at Tufts. Thank you so very, very much.

I'll share a picture of Leo's full face once more healing has happened. He is a beautiful boy and is very proud too! In the picture above, you can see why his new nickname is Bright Eye.